A continuance of flaws, and my response to Scott:

I have found a fellow blogger who has formulated a really cool plan to search for the truth. He is in the "stage" of prayer, and as he documents his journey, I have volunteered to be the thorn in his side... and we are BOTH enjoying the challenge the other has to offer. Here is my response to our debate, as well as.... the link to his.

First of all, I would like to kindly thank you for this response in the middle of finals week... haha. I will have you to thank for my all nighter, come tomorrow morning. Merci. Second of all, thank you for your in depth response. This is going to be fun, I can already tell. Third, before I move on to my empirical claims, I would sincerely like to answer your last "A note to all my readers," as this one is most important, instinctively, that I answer.

Praying is not the only way one connects to God in Christianity. My recommendation is that you carve out time alone, without the distractions of blogging, relationships, life...and find a small beautiful chapel that you can utilize to sit down and talk to God. If you're brave enough, which I don't think you are, (yeah, that's a dare BOY! ohhhh. haha), I recommend that you find a church, and experience "fellowship," and "worship." I feel that both of those integral to the process of communication with God.

And moving on to the big guns....

I feel that in order to fully grasp where you are on this "search," (I say this in quotes, because I don't feel like you can search for anything, if you have already defined yourself as something.), that I will ask more questions than last time. Talk is cheap. I can throw words at you all day. You can't see my life, my actions, my "works", so you have no stance on which my path of living is better/worse than yours. So, for this issue, I think questions will be my best means to really understand where you are in all of this. Prepare to pour your soul, deary (say that like the wicked witch, please).

#1) What is it that you hate about Christianity so much?

I use the word hate, because, in your other entries, as you have searched for other means of "enlightenment," you use different verbage, different phraseology, a wholly different tone. If there is a reason that you have such disdain for this section of your search, then I feel that proper attention should be made to the experiential dimension that innately makes you biased as you take this leap of "prayer." (And, it IS a leap, by the way.)

#2) What do YOU feel is a good representation of the Christian life? Where do you feel we get our social mores of right and wrong? Where do YOU get your concepts of right and wrong?

Is there someone that you know that walks with God, in "the right way." If they are an example to you...why?

#3) What do you expect to receive from prayer?

I hope, at least because IF God is real, then going to Him in prayer as a self-proclaimed non-believer....that you do not expect righteous indignation, or something of the equivalent in your vocabulary. Why would God want to dignify you with a response? If I was, say, the wind, and you told me that because you couldn't see me that you have formulated an empirical stance of disbelief, what incentive would I have to grant you with a breeze of coolness on a hot summer day? I'll be honest, chickateeta, I wouldn't care if you had pit stains the size of Australia... I wouldn't blow by you... even if Selma Hayek was approaching in Gucci stilettos.

#4) What is your story? What has brought you to skepticism so boldly?

Yes, this may be personal, and you are welcome to email this, etc, if you would prefer.... but this is the most important part of my understanding. WHO are you? HOW did you get to this road? No detail is too small, I will read about your life and journey for as long as it takes. Even if I flunk out of my masters program. (I wont be thrilled to do this, mind you, but since... well... you know... your eternity sort of depends on it.... Ill make the sacrifice.)

I suppose we should now move on to my retort section, before my thesis advisor calls me to let me know that my life's plan is in the gutter... proceed with caution. Enter this section lightly, my sweet and empathetic skeptic. I will show you kindness, yes... but it is here I will be fully honest with you with my life, honest with YOU about your inconsistencies, and that I ask that you make a public contract and private covenant with yourself...to continue on this journey without your blinders. Either choose to WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH (capital/lower case/all cases/doesn't matter the grammatical properties... because IT IS WHAT IT IS. The Truth, the REAL TRUTH.... cannot be manipulated. Even if you, or I, choose not to believe in it. It will remain.

#5) You said: "As you point out, the "God" claim is not falsifiable. So, epistemologically, I am an agnostic: I cannot know. However, the question then has to be posed: how does one act with a lack of knowledge."

I love this view! Really, I do! I asked this, verbatim of myself many many times. I'm going to break this down phrase by phrase, as I feel that each deserves equal merit and justification.

"So, epistemologically, I am an agnostic."

Get ready, because this is totally Hobbsian. If you are defining yourself as an agnostic, or a person who believes that nothing can be known or is known about God, and claims neither disbelief nor belief, then you HAVE defined yourself as something. Defining yourself as an agnostic, by definition, IS mutually exclusive to "searching." You cannot be a red crayon while trying to discover what properties you have to ingest to become a blue crayon. In any case, if you are SEARCHING, which, let's be real, I hope you're not wasting your time on all of these various religious shenanigans if you are in no way interested of what you may gain and grow from the process. In the process of searching, you cannot BE an agnostic, or any other form of non-belief, if you are interested in discovering what belief has to offer. So pray, chat, eat squirrels for all I care...but the human psyche thrives on definitions.... little boxes we can wrap ourselves into to feel like we belong or are connected to something. So, before we go any further... and before you waste anymore time on a blog of this nature, decide if you would like to SEARCH for the TRUTH, or be DEFINED by the belief that NOTHING CAN BE KNOWN OR IS KNOWN ABOUT GOD. If you wholeheartedly believe the latter, then what are we doing here? Why are we wasting our time?

Your next phrase:

"I cannot know."

I'll use this to discuss the "science factor" that you mentioned several times in your response. First of all, you CAN know. Have you stepped foot on Mars? Have you grazed your fingertips along the pebbly surface? Unless you have some intense aeronautical background that I am unaware of... the answers to those questions are "no." Do you still think it's there? Why? Because you've read about it? Because other scientists have come close? Because everyone else thinks it exists? Because you made a really sweet solar system in 3rd grade... and you are sticking by your fabulous display of styrofoam balls? (Mine was cool too, btw).

Nope. Because you have faith in the scientists, in the teachers or books you have read that have explained this planet, etc. You. Had. Faith. How can you justify having faith in something you have never PERSONALLY experienced? You define "faith" as "belief without evidence." Would you not agree that you have evidence towards the faith you have placed that Mars exists... even if you have never touched it, heard it's noises, seen it with your naked eyes, etc? I would say that evidence for God is much more substantial than the evidence you have for Mars.

You say that you "cannot know," and I will be the first, as a believer in the Holy scriptures and Calvinist theology to say...you may be right. There are people that God places on this Earth that He has no intention of being known to. It's a bit scary, to me, I will admit. And in the same breath, I'm ok with the idea of not being "a chosen one," if that is the plan that is set forth in front of me. It's the same thing when I watch my little nephews and I say, "You better sit down and finish your dinner, or I won't give your Mommy and Daddy a good report!" To which they later respond before their parents return home, "Are you giving Mommy and Daddy a good report on me?!" Ah. So cute and equally aggravating. They are not developed enough to understand that even in the posing of that question, I found my answer in their motivation. If they are acting in accordance to my rules, and treating each other how they should ONLY for the benefits of having a good report... then they don't get it. Same with Christians. If Christians think that the lukewarm, mediocre attempt to live well, do good works, etc. is "enough" to get them into Heaven...then their motivation is known. You say earlier... "How does one act with a lack of knowledge"? The answer is: the exact same. Whether God has chosen me to reap the benefits in tomorrow in Heaven, or in many years....or whether He has chosen only to use me to reach those that He does need, that ARE chosen... there is no difference. I will act the same. Because He is God and deserves nothing less, and I, mere human, deserve nothing more. You ARE insignificant in the scheme of things, you know that much, right? Don't think I'm acting holier than thou, either... because I am too. The point being: With God, our insignificance holds weight. His purpose gives us meaning. What purpose do you have? What is the meaning of life?

Back to science, the theory so imperfectly imperfect, that it finds definitional perfection in claiming itself as such. Joy. You say that you believe in evolution. My biggest foo foo (translation= "problem") with evolution, is that it is a theory with no evidentiary stance. Confused? In your mind, and the fallible theorists' minds, (depending on if you are in the micro evolution camp or the macro evolution camp) we have all evolved from an original, nameless form. I think you should first, ask yourself the probability of such an exercise. And then, secondly, what is the evidence that you have to prove it? Opposable thumbs? Not good enough. For the macro's- they think we all derive from a single thing. Do you not think that even in our lifetimes, and if that is "too short" a time in accordance with the theory to see differences, then within the time frame in which recorded history has been measured... that we would have seen more "in between" creatures? Pictures of cavemen, are homeo sapiens. Period, Donezo. Are they slowly changing? Well, yes. But where is the skeleton of the monkey-man? Does it not seem that the animals we have witnessed since recorded history have remained stagnate? Where is the half bird/ half fish? Where is the walrus with weird thumbs? Evolutionists use deduction to prove their theory. They see where we are now, and they DEDUCT the means in which we could have possibly gotten to this point. But without substantial evidence... without seeing the first gobbilyguck where we all began... you BELIEVE in it? Might I also add that micro-evolutionists are the closest for my understanding as well, however, a plan that masterful could not be orchestrated by nature, herself. The only explanation is that God was the beginning, and created things to adapt. And unless you care to explain your view of evolution, and drawings of in-between beasts discovered from before mankind's' existence... then your "belief" in evolution, holds no more weight than my "belief" that an all powerful God put this world into motion. He knew the beginning of the story, and he knew the end. He knew you and I would be "blogging" in debate of His existence or lack thereof. He knew your heart, and every hair on your head. If all of those things are true, no "in-between" beasts have been discovered; then one can only assume that evolution is man's need to fit God in our own heads. "God isn't God if he can fit inside our heads." (As Cities Burn).

I forget what number I am on, and deem it unimportant that I scroll up to find out... haha. Just go with me here...

You said:

"It does feel good to engage in Cult like behavior. We spent most of our evolutionary history in small tribes competing for resources. The ancestors which best succeeded were most likely those that had a clearly defined in-group/out-group behavior. But just as our intellectual pursuits have given us technology to overcome physical limitations (glasses, wheelchairs, hearing aids, etc) so do they give us philosophy to overcome our psychological and social limitations (prejudice, intolerance, etc)."

You did not answer my question. I asked: "Why do humans feel this joy, innately?"

Next, you said:

One cannot have evidence of non-existence. All one can proffer is non-evidence or falsified "evidence". If we look back through history, we are left with nothing but falsified claims and unfalsifiable, subjective claims. As I mentioned earlier, in lack of evidence, I choose not to believe.

Explain to me, under what circumstances, would someone fight for something, with the knowledge that they would MOST SURELY be prosecuted for their proclamation, and proclaimed anyways? Do you think someone would do this, under the knowledge that the proclamation they were sharing, was based on a lie? (I'll explain why I ask this next time, as I am running short on time... I am truly sorry).

So, I have to finish two more 50 pagers, a take home, and study for two exams. I hope this has been a help, and that my honest was in no way offensive. You may really want to throw up on yourself after hearing this...but it is important to tell you anyways. Your lack of faith- Your "agnosticism" is encouraging others in their faith, just as you mention that those strong in their beliefs help further confirm yours. You, whether you like it, (and I imagine that you don't), are doing God's work, by simply, not believing and being skeptical, etc. I was in those shoes as well. Until God thought it would be a funny idea to use all those I trust to pull at my heart strings, and ask me questions that I didn't know the answers to. He thought that by pursuing me, I would give in. I didn't for a long time. I ignored Him. Because the definition I had placed myself in, gave me no motivation to search to see if His calls were anything more than a figment of my imagination.

Realizing the truth is what it is... whether Im apart of it, or not,

Kaitlin Ann