In case you were hoping that I have miraculously transformed into the perfect biblical woman and that all my research on biblical womanhood has reached a tumultuous end… I regret to crush all your (albeit deserved) hopes and dreams. I’m still imperfect! I’m still on the search for wisdom and knowledge about all that the Lord wishes for His daughters. Maybe a disclaimer of sorts is needed: this will be a lifelong journey, people, so please be patient as this season of life reads a bit daunting. (Try living it!)
You find me after an eventful wedding weekend of one of my most cherished college friends. Her husband, (OK, so still a little weird to say that!) in my opinion, is the epitome of what a man should be to a woman he cares for. Standing beside the two of them, as they became one with Christ— was one of the most joyful and humbling moments of my life. Truly. I count my blessings to have them in my life.
Part of their ceremony included something called a “Hand Ceremony” which many couples do in lieu of a unity candle. During this section of the ceremony, the couple holds hands, the Best Man reads to the bride what her future husbands hands will mean to her. Then the Maid of Honor does the same, but for the groom. I loved the literal and figurative emergence of what these “parts” mean in a marital relationship, and their definitional properties as manhood and womanhood are discussed. When my friend was researching the words to use for this ceremony— a handful of ridiculous examples were found. [Seriously, I could list them, but you wouldn’t believe it.] Instead of using what has always been used before, she asked that her go-to team (bridesmaid’s!) draft a more personal and perfect one. So we did.
Groom to the Bride:
These are the hands, young, strong, and vibrant with love that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of your life. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you purposely lay the bricks to build your future together. These are the hands that will love you passionately, and, with the slightest touch, comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will give you strength and support you when you feel that can no longer do it alone. These are the hands that, when wrinkled and aged, will be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness as a reminder that you are his—and only his— a beautiful gift from God, to be cherished in his heart for the rest of time.
Bride to the Groom:
These are the hands of your best friend, soft and joyful, as she promises to love and cherish you for a lifetime of happiness. These are the hands of your helper, your support, your comfort, and your joy. These are the hands that will hold yours through the valleys, as well as, peaks…rejoicing in God’s amazing plan as you walk through life side by side. These are the hands that will hold you up when you feel defeated— affirm you when you feel unsure— and nurture you when the pain from this world feels overwhelming. These are the hands the Lord crafted from your rib— that complete you— that fulfill you. These are the hands that know no time or age, hands that acknowledge you as their leader through life. These are hands that will always grip yours and serve as a reminder that you are hers— and only hers— a gift from the Lord, to be respected and treasured in her heart for the rest of time.
Preacher:
Dear Father, bless the hands that you see before you this day. May they always be held by one another. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their love.
Help these hands to continue building a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring, and devoted to reaching for your perfection. May they see their four hands as healer, protector, shelter, and guide. We ask this in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you now and forever. Amen.
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The more I read over the words I both had a part in writing, and witnessed during their marriage, the more I am floored by the expectations that follow. If you are a regular follower, you know that I am single. What you may not know is that I am picky. Sure— I complain and moan about how boys don’t “see” me, how I am infrequently asked out on dates, and how I am sewing (as we speak) a nun outfit to cover any and all sex appeal that I may have left for the rest of my human life— but there is something I seldom talk about. I have great expectations for that man.
These expectations are not supernatural— they are not expectations that should, instead, be found in the Lord, (though, I often find them there as well.). They are easily achievable, completely reasonable, in my opinion— great expectations for the man that (Lord willing) will be beside me for the fight of this life.
Let me tell you a really big secret: from what I hear, marriage is really hard. It’s a vow that you take in faith, and a vow that essentially you agree to walk around with a full-length mirror draped in front of you, pointing out all flaws and indiscretions for as long as you live. For those of you who imagine the fairytale, white dress wearing, magic fairy dust marriage— I hate to inform you, but your dream will forever be just that… a dream. You are imperfect, if the Lord has a husband for you, he will also be imperfect. Read: He will smell bad, you will get wrinkles, you will fight, you will be prideful, he will push your buttons, you will push his… and yes, the question of all questions… you will toot in front of each other.
Mine of course… smell like rainbows, but that is for another day….
The bottom line is this; get outta Disneyland chicka! This is not to say that marriage isn’t beautiful— it IS! God gave it to human kind, so we know it to be good in all ways. But, I cannot help but speculate that marriage is often good in the godliest of ways because of that challenge and refining power. That mirror is God’s gift to make you a better person.
For me, for my heart—rather— that man cannot be any ole Joe blow. He will have certain life experiences that will bring empathy to my own. He will not roll over and play dead. He will challenge me— he will fight back! I cannot help, at times, feel great pains for Eve in this understanding. Yes, she sinned, but every woman in their most honest of hearts knows that it only would have took Adam standing up to her like a real man— a man to say “I care about you, stop this, I’m leading you because God called me to, and we are not going down this path!” Instead, today, it seems, we have more men who would rather be followers than leaders. Their expectations for themselves are anything but great.
For the women out there: do not be discouraged. Keep your expectations great…for I believe it calls our Christian men to be even greater! When friends denounce your choices in saying no to certain dates with men that you feel are not, from the get-go, the kind of men that at least shadow your expectations— ignore them. Trust in the innate intuition God gave you. That is a spiritual gift that is not to be pushed aside lightly. In the same light, look towards your Christian brothers with forward eyes. The Christian leaders in your church have been married for several years. Their wives did not marry the man they are today. Give them a “glance of grace.” Does their future potential meet your great expectations for them? If so— show them your beautiful heart in due time… if not, be protective of your most precious gift and show discretion in who sees it. For the man He has for you, IF He has one (and not all of us will be given the gift of marriage…), will far exceed your great expectations, and be thankful that you thought so highly of them to glance upon them with joyful grace. They will be thankful that you saw the man the Lord was refining them into (see: ongoing!), and desire to live up to your heightened call.
This is absolutely beautiful.
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