Secrets From the Heart of a Woman:

Yes.  I know you just either (1) gasped in shock that I am breaking girl code, or (2) wet your pants out of excitement that you have been granted the opportunity for a sneak peak into the heart of a woman.  (Really, women—plural— though most are going to be lame and pretend this isn’t the case).  Most of the following are what I would deem as generalities, but because I ripped up my “cool card” a long time ago, there is a 923874293920005% chance that I am a weirdo, and that it only applies to me.  So read with this understanding and filter accordingly.

Trumpet blares exciting melodic note montage….

And here we go!

SECRET #1: Women feel invisible.  I think there is an element in every woman’s heart that is crying for acknowledgement.  With time, this cry becomes a muffled whimper they tend to ignore by sweeping under the rug of “I don’t deserve this or that,” “I am unworthy,” “I am ugly.”  It becomes a twisted distortion of the original plea.  It becomes a foothold for the devils wretched words and heart ripping phrases.  It becomes the start of death itself. 

Due to this invisibility mechanism (not like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak…), women have a hunger to be noticed.  This is why you see women who have triple D sized you-know-what’s wear sixed XS tank tops.  (Someone should let them know that we can STILL see the vastness of their enormity, even when well locked/covered/duct-taped/tamper-proofed under an appropriately sized t-shirt.)  Women who are overly loud or talk over others?  They want to be noticed too.  They want to be given safety in “being seen,” in being accepted; maybe at the crux of it all…they want the safety that comes with being loved.

In my quest for biblical womanhood, I have been trying to fight this by doing the opposite.  For the past week, I have worn significantly less make-up (sometimes no make-up, though, today… someone asked me if “I was feeling ill” so that may have to stop at the nearest possible opportunity…), made an active plea to listen far more than I talk, and to embrace my invisibility.  The Lord rejoices in meekness and humility.  He rejoices when women are soft, kind, welcoming, full of the life the He bestowed upon them… not when they are desperately seeking attention with streaks of pink in their hair, knockers that bounce off their knees then forehead, or when they are the woman in the room who will not let go of the spotlight in fear that they will sink into oblivion again.  I’ve been invisible my whole life— why not embrace that cloak with grace.  Wear it because the Lord gave it to you.  If and when you ARE noticed for something, or by somebody… then you can rest in the knowledge that it is because the Lord gave you the gift of affirmation through His love and sovereign hand, not because your “performing” efforts have been fine tuned!  Why be noticed for that which you are not, when you can be noticed for a spirit of service and contentment— maybe from the background— maybe because someone had to seek and pursue an adventure to find you — but noticed for YOUR UNIQUE BEAUTY. 

(Disclaimer in one very long sentence: This does NOT mean becoming a push over, people pleaser, jelly fish without a backbone, stupid head, lame face, mute— this means resting in the Lord… stop putting on a puppet show, buy a bra that gets the girls into place, and don’t dye your hair irrational colors.)

SECRET #2: Women want you to have the balls to be a biblical man.  Yes.  You read it correctly.  I can’t remember a single point in the bible where it states, “and all the men of God waited to ask their female counterparts on excursions and goat gazing evenings until they were perfect to the core and no longer sinned in every area of their lives… then they would only seek perfect women after God’s own heart because perfection was the norm of the land, and the Lord was glad.” A friend recently told me something she had heard about marriage, which I thought was awesome.  She said, “Marriage is simply two very imperfect people worshiping a perfect God.” (And the crowd of women screams, “preach!”)  What are you waiting for?  Why are you so scared to walk to the plate, dig your cleats in the red dirt, spit on your hands, and set yourself up for the pitch?  Why does it always seem like your “teammates” are shoving you out of the batting cage while you scream and whine like a small child?

Christian dating starts with the premise that the man is the initiator.  This is his first action of spiritual leadership in a future relationship.  This is the moment where girls will find you in your sexiest state: being manly, being bold, and being risky.  I’ve always said that women are more willing to take big risks for love because they innately, through revelation from the Lord, know that the reward is FAR greater than the silly miniscule risk.  Men are not this way.  Men don’t innately understand the risk as being a worthy endeavor.  They see it as a break in their pride if the woman in question responds with “no.”  REALLY?  Here is where the balls to be a biblical man come into play.  Let me break this down for you.

Men often are scared for one of two reasons— and sometimes, BOTH.  (1) They are afraid that they will hurt you.  This haunting fear that they will ask you out with the intentions of getting to know you better for a possible marriage opportunity, think you’re the dumbest and lamest girl on the planet, and then have to be the ones to kill all your dreams by not asking you out again.  Hahahaha.  It’s true.  It’s also so irrational that I am laughing at myself as I put this to paper.  Let me speak some truth into the LIES Satan is telling you. 

TRUTH FROM KAMI: So you hurt us?  Last time I talked with my female friends (10 minutes ago), they did not evaporate or break into a million pieces.  We are not China dolls.  We are not delicate flowers that die or self-destruct if you were to decide that the union is no longer compatible.  If you think otherwise— then you do NOT trust in the sovereignty of God.  You are resting in yourself and in your actions and abilities, which, frankly, will always fail.  You’re a human.  This is the way of the depraved.  Get over yourself; it’s not about you.   You also should be asking strong women of God out on dates.  If these women are too afraid to tell you that when you say “this” or do a certain action that they find it hurtful— then you are missing the inevitable point of marriage.  Marriage is the act of committing to constant sharpening and refinement.  You are looking in an overly honest mirror 24/7 and the person should love you enough to tell you (with grace) where you are not walking with the Lord.  This is usually, (as I imagine it, anyways) followed by a good make-out, and graceful and loving forgiveness.  You are not perfect.  Neither is she.  If you’re waiting for that— then prepare yourself to undergo the fight of singleness for the rest of your life.  Both ways are messy— but the Lord wants you to be a courageous man.  Just put on your big boy panties and do the darn thing. 

The second reason men are scared (2) they are afraid that YOU will hurt them.  They have had bad relationships in the past, have seen marriages or strong godly relationships tremble under the weight and stress of this world… if they give their heart to you— you may crush it. 

TRUTH FROM KAMI:  You’re right.  Your heart may be crushed.  It may be kicked around, abused, thrown in the trash.  Or: It may be respected, like Ruth that she will lay at your (Boaz) feet in expectation of your warm and giving love.  Or: She may nurture and support you that you become more of a man through her honesty, love, and refinement that you couldn’t imagine your life without her.  Or: She could challenge you.  She could keep you on your toes, she will do a healthy amount of fighting, she will excite you with her spirit and fire— and you will fall into a love of grace and beauty because it is centered around the Lord, and you put on your big boy panties and did the darn thing. 

TRUTH FROM KAMI #2: Because the majority of Christian men suffer from this, women are not being pursued, which will eventually lead to extreme discomfort and unhappiness on the part of men and women because men are no longer leading as called to do, which will then lead to decreased marital percentages, then to decreased procreation percentages, and eventually the end of mankind—all because you didn’t have the balls to ask that girl out that you have a crush on.  (Read in Chinese accent…) See little grasshopper— your job is very very important.  Ask girl out.  You will like it.  World will be glad.  You like fried rice.  Big boy panties go on, thing get darn done little grasshopper.

TRUTH FROM KAMI #3: So you get a “no?”  SERIOUSLY?  Do you know how many times you’ve heard that word in your life?  I would venture to say in the upward 3 millions.  It’s two letters.  It is not a dagger to the soul.  Suck it up, practice your lines in the mirror, iron your clothes, and be the charming man God man you to be.  The world needs strong men like you.  God is calling you to be brave, to be a warrior, so stop worrying about if she’ll say “no” and inadvertently hurt you as a result.  If you’re that worried about it, ask her friends about her.  Ask your friends about her.  Do a little research.  That will, I pray, give you enough confidence to ask her out.  Just put on your big boy panties and do the darn thing. 

Well world.  For now, rest in these two secrets.  There will be more to come.  Until then, embrace the beauty of invisibility by trusting that someone will see you for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones, and encourage your man-friends to put on their big boy panties.  We have a lot to do for the Lord on earth— let’s stop being sissy men and women about it. (2 Timothy 1:7).

Just on a journey through my heart, searching for the Lord’s plan for me and for those I do life with, and continuously exploring my God's plan for love, grace, & holiness. 

Kami